Spirit is Talking to You by Joan Doyle

Author:Joan Doyle [Doyle, Joan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Love, Spirituality, Joan Doyle, True Story, Spirit is Talking to You, Angels, Spirit
Publisher: CCB Publishing
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

The Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card

By Joan Doyle

I felt dead inside. I was a zombie, walking slowly through the routines of my life. I was able to work. I was able to eat, though without much pleasure. Everything good had already happened in my life. I couldn’t envision a thing for my future–I knew I was depressed.

I was depressed because I had just called off my engagement to a good man. I felt I had destroyed his happiness; and for what–this? My life was not worth living; I could find no joy. I was a baggage he might as well have, though I don’t know why he would want me. The frustrating thing was my body was healthy. I wanted to lie down and die. I imagined doing just that; laying myself out in my best dress and make-up, and waiting for death to take me. I knew it was ridiculous. I had no protégé like Mrs. Havisham, nor did I have her vitriol to poison another being with hatred, nothing to keep me occupied in my bitter days. I had been the one who left the other person in the lurch, so all I was left with was guilt. It is not a motivating emotion, unlike Mrs. Havisham’s desire for revenge.

I lived in bleak house, and yet somewhere within me there was a spark, a tiny point of light. I was waiting; waiting for that ember to ignite again. I read somewhere that even in times of depression when it seems nothing is happening on the surface, everything is rearranging itself on a deeper level; a new structure of beliefs is being formed. This must have been the case with me.

A good friend asked if I would like to create a vision board collage. She said it would be a good thing for me, so that I might begin to create my life anew. I was grateful for her friendship and so I agreed. We got together at her beautiful home, and spent the afternoon drinking tea and cutting out images from magazines. It was as if I was making the collage for someone other than myself. I cut pictures out, of traveling, as it was something I had always enjoyed. “She might like this, as she did enjoy it before,” I would think to myself. “And she always liked daffodils; they are a sign of spring. That works, don’t you think–renewal after the winter?” I picked a photo of a happy person walking across a bridge. I picked positive words like love, joy, friendship.

I came across a word in big orange capitals and stuck it right in the middle–GRACE. I knew grace was a gift, something freely given that you didn’t have to do anything to deserve. Like a Get out of jail free card. I felt at that time I didn’t deserve all the things I was placing on my vision board, but that by God’s grace I might one day find enthusiasm for life again.

And it came to pass, as they like to say in the Gospels, that Joan did return to the land of the living.

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